There was a time when I would have thought that it was “selfish” to have this answer to this question. And when I thought that being that kind of “selfish” was a bad thing, something to be avoided. I used to think that being a good person meant being completely self sacrificing, to deny myself my own needs and wants and pleasures. And therefore my passions were always tied up in what I construed as other people’s needs and wants. It wasn’t a very healthy way to live.
Slowly, slowly, I’m starting to learn a different way of thinking about myself.
Selfishness can, of course, be a bad thing. This sort of selfishness is when someone takes away from other people for their own benefit. But selfishness can also take the form of assuming what other people want without asking them. Even though this looks like it’s giving and not selfish, it’s actually projecting one’s own needs on to someone else. In the process (at least for me), I’ve often ignored my own needs and wants. And in this way, I thought I was a good person. But I wasn’t. Because I wasn’t taking care of the most important person in my life: myself.
Now, I’m trying to learn about my own needs. And I’m trying to learn about myself, get to know myself better, figure out what my needs and interests are and give them to myself. This is my passion.
How am I going about fulfilling my passion? I take it easy on myself. This sounds like the opposite of passion, but I guess you could say that I’m passionate about taking it easy on myself. I check in with myself often. I let go of trying to be “perfect”. I pause a lot lately. I’ll take a deep breath and make sure that I am not skipping breaths. When I’m excited about something — an activity or a pursuit or learning something — I let myself pursue it but not the point of neglecting myself or being in pain. I try to extend myself grace.
Do I get it right every time? Not by any stretch of the imagination.
But my other passion is this: beginning again. Allowing myself to start over again and again and again as many times as is necessary.
Each new moment is exactly that: A. NEW. MOMENT.
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Rhena Writes 