This question puts work and home on opposing sides of a scale. What about those of us who work in our homes?
I just finished listening to the book Invisible Women by Caroline Criado Perez. The subtitle is: Exposing Data Bias in a World Designed by Men. I highly recommend it. I had many moments during my listening when I thought, “Oh! That’s why I’ve often felt invisible, unseen, unheard. That’s why I’ve so often felt that my needs are an unfair burden.”
I’m a stay at home mom. Once, when someone else was filling out a form on my behalf, they put “housewife.” So I guess that’s another term for what I do. In the west, we are often defined by our careers or jobs. Apparently, according to message boards and articles, one of the things that annoys many new arrivals in Washington, DC is that conversation at bars is often based around “what do you do?” The inference is “what is your job?” as opposed to what interests and passions one might have. And I suppose that I should be grateful that I’m not part of this world.
Still … stay-at-home mom, housewife … in these contexts they are loaded terms. I’m not paid for my work at home. Much of it is what we would consider “invisible” work. I myself, don’t fully grasp where one ends and the other begins. Even here, in this daily prompt question… how do I balance work and home life when they are one and the same, when they cannot be so neatly divided? How do I balance these two supposedly opposing aspects of life?
I have to see myself first and foremost. I cannot make myself visible to anyone else. The only person who can truly see me is me.
I’ve been sitting with this question for most of this morning now. I’ve gone back and forth and written and erased and did a little internet research on how “balances” work. I did this all in the name of trying to write myself and my lived experiences into this question. I wanted to have a bold and life-affirming statement or point to conclude this whole post.
In my head, I can see a delicate set of shiny scales where daily tasks are gently laid on one plate and then the other, sometimes tipping slightly one way or the other. With a gentle, “oops!”, some breathing exercises, a vacation, some mental health days off, the scale is lovingly set back into balance. But this image doesn’t work for me. The only image I could come up with was a balance being continually crushed under the weight of tasks that are both “work” and “home”.
So I’m at a loss now.
I guess that, frankly, I’m really tired of trying to make myself seen in a world that simply doesn’t see me. I’m tired of the questions, daily prompts, whatever that exclude me. I’ve lived so much of my life trying to shoe-horn myself into these types of questions and situations. This way of being has gotten me absolutely nowhere. So I’m not going to try to do it here.
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Rhena Writes 