The public figure I disagree with the most is myself.
That is, my outward facing persona is, frankly, phony baloney.
She’s always trying to guess at what other people — the “public” in other words — thinks and wants and needs. She’s always trying to please them, these other people who are not her. Are not me.
I, my real self, I disagree with this type of people pleasing behavior. Sometimes, I feel like I’m just along for the ride: cringing every time she says or does something that she thinks will make someone else happy or at least not displeased.
I’m tired of her ignoring me, the way she goes out into the world making decisions that effect the both of us without consulting me. Sometimes I’ve resorted to berating her. Why did you say that? Don’t you realize how stupid you made us sound? You just shouldn’t be speaking at all! Or wearing that… or thinking that… or doing that weird thing you always do with your hands or face or walking with that strange, strange posture…!
But all of this disagreement? The end result is that we are both sad.
We are one, after all.
So what do I do?
Begin again.
Breathe.
I am human. She is human too.
“What do you want?” she asks me.
“I want you to see me,” I tell her. “I want you to do what pleases me.”
I listen. She listens.
We agree.
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Rhena Writes 