I’m living my own book. My life is its own film. I like who I am. I feel no need to become someone else in fantasy or in reality.
I guess that means the answer to the question of which character from a book or a film I want to be is: me.
Much of what I have been taught is that to focus on myself to such a degree is egotistical. Much of what I have been taught is wrong. Capitalism, white supremacy, patriarchy: all of that depends on all of us hating ourselves at least a little. Having grown up on a capitalist society, it has been no small feat to overcome these feelings. It’s no small feat to write about them right now.
Even now, writing this, I keep hesitating. What will they think of me that I choose myself?
But that is not my real voice. That’s a voice that was put there over many years. It’s a voice of self doubt and self censorship. And the only way to overcome it is to write directly through it, to let go of the hesitation.
I return to the question, again and again: what needs to be written? What do I need to write?
I am alive. I am alive. I am me.
Rhena Writes 